Your husband doesn’t want to have sex. Maybe he’s come right out and bluntly told you or perhaps he’s shown more compassion and simply comes up with excuse after excuse for why he doesn’t want to be intimate with you. Regardless, all the same feelings are still there. You feel rejected, confused and very alone. You question whether he’s still attracted to you, your marriage/relationship can survive, and you’ve even wondered whether he may be having an affair. All of these feelings are normal. You have to address what is going on if you want things to change for the better. Ignoring the problem of a sexless marriage can end in disaster when emotions broil over and the relationship eventually falls apart.
In almost all cases of sexless marriage, the person who is withholding the intimacy doesn’t fully understand the impact it’s having on their partner. They don’t recognize how it’s influencing their spouse’s sense of self worth and self esteem.
Naturally, all of these negative feelings are going to manifest themselves in a very unproductive way. That’s why you’re now feeling resentment towards your husband and you’ve begun questioning whether he truly loves you or not.
You have to be understanding of the fact that he’s probably not intentionally avoiding sex with you. It’s merely a symptom of another issue or problem he’s dealing with.
Many men shy away from intimacy because they feel disconnected emotionally from their spouse or partner. This can happen for several reasons but most common is when the couple has an ongoing issue they are disagreeing on.
It may be something related to work, or the children, finances or even home improvements. If there is friction between the two of you your husband may not feel that close to you and therefore won’t have any interest in being intimate. If you two are indeed struggling with something now is the time to lay all of your cards on the table and start communicating with each other. If you can’t do it just the two of you it’s time to get some professional help.
The same is true if you and he have reached a point in your marriage where you’ve started to take one another for granted. This happens to almost everyone, including the most well intentioned couples. They start off their relationship appreciating each other for even the smallest things and that changes as the years pass.
Begin showing him that he’s the most important person in your world again. Do things that you know make his life more satisfying and less complicated. This will show him that you value him just as much now as when you first married him. He’ll feel closer to you in every way again including physically.
However there are other reasons that could also be the culprit of your partner’s low libido that have nothing to do with any of the above.
Here are the 5 Most Common Causes of Low Libido in Men
- Central obesity. If your hubby has a waist circumference over 40″ he’s got lower levels of testosterone than men with thinner waists. One of the most common causes of depressed libido is low testosterone. When there’s enough testosterone, the hormone lights up those receptors and he’s good to go.
2. Stress has a profound effect on your overall physical and mental health, and it impacts your sexual health as well. High stress levels increase cortisol and have a direct effect on your libido, reducing your desire for sex and even cause erectile dysfunction.
The solution? Work on stress management techniques like deep breathing, going to bed earlier, and eating healthier. Daily exercise and meditation are two powerful stress relievers and working to reduce the stressors in your life can make a big difference in your overall stress levels–and your libido.
3. Sleep apnea increases your risk of heart problems, high blood pressure, stroke, type 2 diabetes, and other health problems. It also reduces your testosterone levels, according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, and it reduces your quality of sleep, further compounding the problem.
Signs and symptoms of sleep apnea include loud snoring, waking up gasping for air during sleep, a dry mouth upon awakening, cracks on the sides of your mouth, morning headaches, insomnia, and excessive daytime sleepiness. If you think you may have sleep apnea, talk to your doctor.
4. Some prescription medications and over-the-counter drugs can negatively impact your libido and cause sexual dysfunction. These include medications that are used to treat high blood pressure, including diuretics, Alpha blockers, and beta blockers.
Some antidepressants can numb your sex drive as well, including MAOIs and SSRIs, according to the Mayo Clinic. If you’re on prescription medication and have a low sex drive, talk to your doctor, who may be able to put you on a lower dose or a different medication that won’t interfere with your sex life.
5. Depression can lower your mood along with your desire to have sex and some medications used to treat it as mentioned above can interfere with a man’s libido. If you’re experiencing depression, talk with a professional. Depression is highly treatable and should not be ignored. A combination of medication and therapy can help keep it under control or even eliminate it, improving your sex drive and more importantly your overall quality of life.
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