There must be something that annoys you about your partner, isn’t there? Of course there is. We wouldn’t be human if everything was perfect all the time. Even that would get annoying! I used to love that quote that Katherine Hepburn said something to the effect, ‘Men and Women should live apart and visit every now and then’. Well, I still kind of believe that, actually hehe. But I do also believe in relationships. And with relationships come behaviors that get on each other’s nerves and that’s normal for every couple, as long as there is a deep, profound connection between the partners. Remember the length of a relationship won’t compensate for it’s worth. No matter how long you’ve been in it, it’s the quality that counts not the time. But let’s face it, some things are just not to be tolerated.
Although there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship or ideal partner, there are certain things you shouldn’t have to put up with. Especially when the other person is dead set and unwilling to face the issues, blames you for all the problems, or doesn’t try and change the poor behavior in any way.
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This article was originally published on socialbuzzhive.com on 7/2018 by me.
Don’t settle for a half-assed love or less respect and attention than you deserve. Don’t let yourself become a victim of manipulation, gaslighting, ghosting and immature behavior. You should only stay with someone when there is trust, love, respect and true forgiveness.
When your relationship has signs of the ‘4 horsemen of the apocalypse’ you need to get out and move on.
The 4 Horsemen
We’re all guilty of trying to stay in a toxic relationship too long. But what happens then is absolutely detrimental to your soul. You will begin to slowly become like the frog that is boiled alive slowly without your even realizing it.
Don’t be the woman/man who tolerates a partner who does the following things:
1. Doesn’t Respect Your Relationship
Never settle for a hypocritical, self-centered, immature person who becomes insecure about their intentions the moment he/she is around other people.
You deserve a partner who will respect you, believes in your relationship, is proud of it and speaks well of you around everyone at all times.
Doesn’t keep promises. Are you with someone who constantly promises things whether it’s a promise to stop being late constantly, take a little much needed alone time with you, go on a long awaited trip, or even a promise of something much deeper? If they’re flaky and you can’t hold them to their word, they’re not going to change. Something else will always be more of a priority.
2. Someone Who’s Not Telling You His/Her True Feelings
You don’t need a partner who won’t be able to tell you how he/she feels. Everyone needs to know where they stand in someone’s life. Life is too short so don’t settle for anything less. Your partner should open up their soul to you and only you, and not be afraid to allow you to look at what’s inside.
You shouldn’t have to guess your partner’s feelings – he/she should tell you how they feel loud and clear! And even more importantly, you should be able to FEEL this in their actions, by what they do in the little things.
And I’m not talking about giving gifts and material things. I mean by really looking out for you and your well being. You should know beyond a reasonable doubt that this person loves you unconditionally by how they show you in what they do.
3. Someone Who Thinks the Worst of You
Don’t settle for someone who uses your weaknesses against you. Have you confided in them something your ashamed of from your past and then they’ve used it against you?
Someone who generally puts you down and discourages you from pursuing your dreams is not someone who wants to uplift you.
Your partner should believe in you, trust you in any situation, and be there for you whenever and wherever you need support. Mentally, physically and emotionally.
Most especially in your areas of weakness. Your partner should always be your ‘go to’ person for lifting you up during times when your ego needs a boost. If you find yourself seeking others for this you’re with the wrong person.
Your S.O. should help you to grow as a person! Even if they tell you directly something that seems kind of critical but in a loving way, your partner is looking out for you not to judge you but to help you out.
However if they blast you with accusations for doing something you have no intentions of doing, this person wants to control your life and stop you from doing the things you enjoy or being with people you want to be with.
4. A Person Who Doesn’t Put an Effort in the Relationship
Don’t accept someone who takes you for granted. Someone who has stopped trying to make you happy the moment he/she knew you loved them or just from the fact that you have been together for a long time is no excuse. Your relationship is no guarantee of forever. Just like a garden you must tend to it to keep it thriving.
You should be with someone who makes you feel loved, respected, and valued at all times. Most of all you should always know your worth. And if someone doesn’t make you feel worthy, it’s time to go. You deserve better.
You need someone who invests themselves in your relationship every day. Someone who gives you full attention and shows their love through kisses, hugs, and touches, a little message saying they’re thinking of you no matter how busy they are.
If you need to discuss something truly important and you always get the answer “I’m busy” that is code for “I’m an a-hole & I can’t be bothered with you. Or “I’ve moved on” and this person has other priorities and you’re obviously not one of them. These are key signals you need to listen to.
Remember in the beginning when you got a gazillion text messages? Your partner was just as busy then and they certainly seemed to have the time right? So what’s different now?
Even when you feel like crap you can still show the person you love that you care for them in small ways and that you are on their mind. A little reciprocity goes a long way. When someone feels ignored, they are ignored back. We tend to be a mirror of how others treat us.
Ignores your sex life. A strong intimate life is very, very important just as much to Women as to Men. If there’s a physical problem. Get help. If it’s mental/emotional/relationship related – get help. Talk, communicate. Don’t shut the door on it or your partner as much as they don’t want to, may be looking elsewhere. Not necessarily for the sex act itself but for intimacy.
Take time together. And even if you aren’t intimate sexually, there are other ways of showing affection that work too. But you can’t just ignore it. That’s the very worst thing you can do and will kill the relationship. There’s plenty of loving out there. You shouldn’t be held hostage to someone who refuses to give you any because they don’t want to discuss it!
Someone who stops caring about their appearance and doesn’t stop taking care of themselves. Just because you guys live together now doesn’t mean you can throw on 50lbs, ignore your oral hygiene and go to the bathroom with the door open. Ugg.
This also means pulling their weight around the house in terms of household chores, kid/pet duties, paying bills, sharing entertainment costs/planning, etc. If one person is constantly not doing their share and you’ve had several mature discussions about it without accusing them of being a completely thoughtless ass, then it’s time to take some steps in another direction.
5. A Person Who’s Immature and Can’t Take Responsibility for His Own Actions
You don’t need to be with someone who can’t accept when they are wrong and apologize. Or at least consider the other person’s point of view. Your partner should take responsibility for his own actions, just as you should do as well. Don’t let them put the blame on you for every problem.
Someone who is able to switch things around and make everything your fault all the time, is a manipulator or narcissist and is unwilling to view things from your side. This will cause real problems down the road if everything in your relationship is always your fault. And you will very soon come to believe it.
Or, someone who shuts down for days and doesn’t talk to you because they can’t deal with their emotions. When the truth is they just don’t want to deal, period. No one needs that. Life is full of complex complicated situations. Acknowledge the other person in the simplest most loving way, say you will discuss it but just not at the moment and move on.
If your partner completely disses you and pretends you don’t exist that is emotional abuse plain and simple. You are a human being with feelings and emotions and being cut off completely like that is sending a message that you can be cut off from their lives and simply detached. Stonewalling impedes the relationship from moving forward, is extremely destructive and ‘highly predictive of divorce’. – Resource Psych Central.
6. A Partner Who Wants to Control Your Life
Your partner shouldn’t try to control your every day doings. That’s just not normal. You shouldn’t give up on your hobbies, friends, or career just to make him/her happy.
Meanwhile this person probably does everything he/she wants am I right? They don’t run it by you I’m sure. They go about doing everything they want or need to do but when it comes to you everything you do is run through a fine filter. Or you find yourself feeling like you have to run everything by them to make sure it’s ‘okay’.
A person who wants to control their partner is a very insecure person. Your partner should have trust and faith in your decisions. If they can’t trust you to have a drink after work with your friends what does that say about themselves?
7. Someone Who Will Make You Doubt Your Own Decisions
Don’t settle for someone who will use manipulative tricks to make you feel insecure about your choices. Your partner should help you make a decision, and not disagree with you every time you make a decision on your own. This is another form of control. This is saying that you cannot make a decision without me. And the one that you choose will always be wrong.
So, don’t be a person who will be a puppet of an insecure, immature, and manipulative Man or Woman. If they won’t change, you can’t make them and you shouldn’t accept it!
Feel the power in knowing that you have saved yourself from becoming a worthless doormat and gained back your self respect. This will give you oodles of confidence and eventually draw the right type of person towards you and you will never tolerate these bad behaviors again.
When the right person comes along you will know because everything will feel easy and natural. Know your worth and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve!
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