There are so many people in this world who are naturally talented, intelligent, ambitious, attractive, have great potential, and perhaps even have the resources but are just not able to give wings to their dreams due to those annoying but paralyzing insecurities. Even if situations and circumstances are favorable, if you do not feel secure and confident from within and are always unsure of yourself, chances are your insecurity is the main obstacle to achieving your goals. You are the one thing stopping yourself from becoming successful in life. However, you and only you have the power to overcome your insecurities. Here are some helpful tips.
Insecurity can become a debilitating problem. Feelings of insecurity can influence your health, sense of well-being, your ability to parent, to do your job, have a happy marriage, and can negatively affect all your relationships. The good news is that you can significantly improve your sense of security, your self esteem, and confidence. Most people have some degree of insecurity and that sense of insecurity can increase at different times in their lives depending on life circumstances.
Helpful suggestions on How you can Improve your Self Esteem and Eliminate your Insecurity
It helps if you understand the root cause of your insecurity. To begin with start noticing when and under what circumstances you feel insecure.
Some insecurities are normal like begin nervous about speaking in front of a large group, starting a new job, or going into surgery. Don’t be too concerned about these passing feelings unless they are truly extreme.
In the case of extreme insecurities; for instance you are afraid to leave your house or have irrational fears of people, being in crowds or stop doing things you normally would enjoy doing, seek help from a qualified professional.
During times when you feel your insecurity is inappropriate you can ask yourself some key questions.
For example, if you feel insecure around people, the next time you have those feelings slow yourself down and ask yourself the following:
1) What exactly is happening that is making me feel this way? Or what do I tend to feel most insecure about?
2) Are you making irrational interpretations about yourself or others? These interpretations stem from irrational beliefs that create a false reality about the situation at hand.
3) What uncertainty exists that is making me feel this way?
4) When in the past did I feel this way?
5) What unhelpful thinking styles are at the heart of these beliefs? i.e. that you’re not good enough, that you will make a fool of yourself, that people won’t like you, etc.
The answers to these questions will give you the starting point on what you need to do to improve your sense of security.
The root cause of your insecurities often stems from a cluster of memories you have held onto for many years. These memories influence your decisions and actions. And they are, of course, a result of past experience.
However, your interpretation of those experiences is the determining factor in how you feel.
Remember that your insecurities may not be what they seem.
Break down your feelings.
Become aware of what exactly causes you to feel the way you feel and identify how you react.
Then find where in the past those feelings and reactions originate.
You will probably find that your insecurities originate in your childhood.
Once you are aware of all these things you can change your basic attitudes about yourself, others, and your life circumstances. You will have raised your sense of security and self confidence.
Signs that give away Insecurity
There are certain signs that give away your unsure self, knowing the signs help you identify these in yourselves and in others.
- Overtly apologetic: An insecure person does not have a healthy self-concept and tends to doubt himself/herself all the time. Everything that is said or done is with huge amounts of self-doubt and hence becomes apologetic very easily.
- Trouble handling compliments: Compliments don’t go down well with insecure people. Insecure people tend to brush away compliments because they believe it is true and don’t know how to accept them graciously.
- Defensive behavior: Any hint of criticism or reprimand and an insecure person becomes very defensive. Insecure people have trouble getting past the critic remarks.
- Mistaken sense of humor: Insecure people tend to make fun of themselves, in all their nervousness, often stretching it to a point where it becomes evident to other people that you have low self-esteem.
- Shying away from making decisions: The fear of being held accountable for something that goes wrong induces an insecure person from making a decision.
- Not asking for help: Insecure people have trouble asking for help. Fear of rejection makes them shy away from seeking help when they need it.
Ways to overcome insecurity
- Look at things objectively: Your insecurities are nothing more than interpretations you have made about yourself, others, circumstances, or about what will or won’t happen.
On the surface, they are just opinions and perspectives you have latched onto. Believe in yourself and your capabilities. Believe that you will do well, talk well and achieve your successes even before you start on a venture, relationship or task.
- Reflect on your successes and accomplishments: We as humans tend to focus only on the negatives and what we have not gotten done and forget about all the great things we’ve done!
Make a list to bring forth all the things you have achieved and gotten done. To reflect on your successes in this way helps put things in perspective. It reminds you that you are capable of working through difficulties in optimal ways.
Moreover, it gives you the confidence and self-assurance needed to get through anything. As long as you bring those same strengths, attributes, and adopt the right mindset, anything is possible. Have faith in yourself.
- Consider for a moment the worst case scenario and how you might potentially handle things. Consider also the best case scenario and what that might mean.
And finally, reflect on the regrets that may result if you fail to overcome your insecurities.
- Form healthy habits: Revisit your habits and identify the ones stemming from insecurity. Are you drinking, smoking or eating too much to block out worries or relieve stress?
Consciously change these negative habits and develop positive ones that help you propel towards your dreams and goals rather than settling back into your comfort zone.
With time, you’ll see that these new healthy habits help you and become a way of life.
- Adopt a positive outlook: Practice optimistic thinking, force yourself to see the positive side of every situation, question your beliefs and attitudes.
Over time you will see that even if you do feel insecure for a brief moment, the positive thoughts will soon follow and start to envelop you. It’s about changing your mind patterns.
- Engage in positive self talk and affirmations about yourself always!
Repeat to yourself daily:
- I am a confident and capable person…
- I believe I can do this…
- I will just take baby steps to get the ball rolling…
- I will learn from my mistakes and keep moving forward without hesitation…
- Take care of yourself: Look at yourself in the mirror, talk to yourself and groom yourself. Looking good does help in feeling good. Take care of your health because a healthy body and mind is essential.
- Make a list: List out all your issues, fears, insecurities.
List the tasks or things you need to do to overcome your insecurities and break them down to small goals.
Tick them as you complete them, this will increase your self-confidence. Treat yourself to something you like as a reward and motivate yourself to keep going with your dream fulfillment.
You Must Make a Full Commitment to Ridding Yourself of Insecurities
To overcome your insecurities you need to cut the cord from old habits and bad patterns of behavior. If you’ve always stopped by the bar on the way home to anesthetize yourself from a day at work you need to break that daily ritual with something that empowers you for the long run.
Condition yourself mentally with a new set of beliefs that align with your goals and objectives. This is the only way to acquire the mental strength, momentum and new mindset to break away from old habits to overcome your insecurities.
Have More Confidence
Confidence comes from within. Confidence does not distinguish between plain or beautiful people.
The plainest most dull person can have all the confidence in the world and a person with physcal beauty can be riddled with personal insecurities.
The mind is a funny thing. It can play games with us. Our minds can be filled with lies about who we are or are not and what kind of value we are to this world.
Don’t let it! You tell your mind what to think and who you are.
Tame your inner critic!
This little critic sometimes has good intentions which is to protect you from harm but you can’t let it takeover all the time!
Let me tell you a little secret. You were created to be of value to this world, just as you are.
Each one of us brings value through our uniqueness. No one can fill YOUR place in the world like you can. Tell your inner critic to hush and ignore it. You have this power.
Today or tomorrow, or very soon, you’ll enter a situation where fear and anxiety may begin to plague you. Here’s what you should do:
1. Take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth deeply
2. Pull your shoulders back and keep your head up
3. Walk confidently to your destination
4. Look people in the eye
5. Greet others with a confident handshake and friendly smile
6. Be inquisitive and ask questions, engage with others
7. Walk away knowing you made some feel valued and noticed – this will do wonders for your self esteem as well as theirs!
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparison is the Thief of Joy. Say it again. Comparing yourself to other people isn’t good for your mental health. How many times has anything good come of it?
Everyone has their own unique set of experiences, skills, talents, abilities, and knowledge.
Their strengths may not be your strengths. Likewise, your strengths may not be their strengths.
It’s like comparing apples and bananas. They’re two different types fruits. There are no comparisons that go beyond that.
Everyone has something wonderful and unique to offer and acceptance is the key to happiness.
Stop Living in the Past
Don’t be your worst enemy and start comparing yourself in the past with the present circumstances which may not be as great relatively speaking.
If you were once a famous somebody whom everyone admired and made a lot of money doing what you did, and now you’re just a regular person that’s no reason not to love and respect yourself.
Your best now is relative and will be different every time and is affected by your state of mind and unique circumstances for the present.
Commit yourself to becoming a lifelong learner. When you take responsibility for developing your skills, for growing your knowledge, and for improving various aspects of your life you naturally become more confident, capable and competent.
Therefore, don’t measure or live in the past for what once was. The past no longer matters. What counts is what you do today for yourself and your loved ones.
Measure what you’re capable of doing right now, and leave it at that.
Keep a Success Journal
Every day write down what went well in your life. List all your positive qualities, attributes, and strengths that got you through challenging times no matter how small.
As long as you stay consistent, just like with any goal, all these positive things will grow into building your self confidence and help your to surmount your insecurities.
It’s important that you write them down to keep track of them because it’s so much easier to see how they’re working when you look back and read about them with your own eyes.
I assure you, you will see a pattern of positive growth not only in the way you feel about yourself but in the way letting go of the burden of your insecurities will help you with your relationships, your work, your happiness and living up to your greatest potential!
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